Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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