Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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