remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
