I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
