There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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