Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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