She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
