Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
