Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
