you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
