my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
