Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
