i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
