Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
