i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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