Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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