Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
