don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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