do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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