This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
