I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
