I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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