i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Couch. On fire.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
