omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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