I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
