I think I am morally bankrupt
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
