I met the friendliest cop last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
