tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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