watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
