You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
