So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
