a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
