What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
