went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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