i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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