why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
