You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
