i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We need to get me chipped asap
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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