3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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