Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
