i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
