five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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