I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
