drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
