K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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