Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
