Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
