i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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