come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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