from now on my penis is your penis
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
