Im at strip club and am horny
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
