I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
