Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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