You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
