I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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