Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
