could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
